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A Foodie Wannabe

January 28, 2010

I have one simple over-arching  rule about food – I don’t eat anything that tastes like it should be exiting instead of entering.  Sorry if that sounds crude, but my experience tonight reinforced this little maxim.  I stopped by a fantastic little gourmet market near home to pick up something for dinner from their pre-prepared counter.  Classical music was playing, their raspberries were golden instead of red, and their jars of marinara cost at least seven dollars and are purportedly made by cute little 97-year-old great-grandmothers who run small canning businesses out of their kitchens, but I bet have mafia ties.  I’m not knockin’ it, the place really does have great stuff that sucks me in everytime and is usually dynamite.

But just when I start to fluff my ascot and feel like I might actually fit in – enter skyr.  Skyr, you say?  I hadn’t heard of the stuff before tonight either, and frankly, I’ll be glad if I never meet it in a darkened alley again.  I had picked up a filet of grilled salmon, some lemon orzo, and dill marinated cucumbers – a nice, simple, healthy meal – and I was looking for a little something sweet to go with it.  I counter-intuitively steered myself away from the bakery section, and I came across the yogurt.  I was looking for a nice, light yogurt, and feeling gastronomically adventurous, I was drawn to a simple looking container of orange and ginger flavored skyr, which the label described as Icelandic style strained non-fat yogurt.  You could almost picture the dairy farmer coming in from the pastoral fields with his beloved cows, milking them by hand while sitting on an old-fashioned wooden stool, and then making the yogurt in an immaculately clean chilled white tile room.  And orange and ginger?  So different from your typical blueberry or strawberry yogurt.  I really wanted to love this stuff.

When I began reconstructing thirty, my nutritionist recommended that I give Greek yogurt a try, as it had more protein and would be more filling than regular yogurt.  I gave it a try.  It sucked.  Hard.  I’m not a big dairy fan, anyway, and I was in my late twenties before I could even eat the really sweet mass-market yogurts.  I always thought it tasted like liquid bad breath, and this Greek stuff tasted like straight up gastric acid.   The nutritionist told me if I didn’t like it, using the regular light yogurt was fine, with a spoonful of the Greek stuff stirred in for extra protein, and that actually was pretty good.  I have to admit, though, yogurt just isn’t one of those things I really like, so it’s gradually been replaced by other snacks for me, but tonight it sounded good – complementing the salmon and cucumbers as a really nice dessert.

When I saw that skyr is strained, I did wonder if it would have the same alarming pungency as that strained, thick Greek stuff I had tried just a few months before, but I was bowled over by the fancy package and the unique flavor of orange and ginger (I love citrus desserts), and I gave it a shot.  How cool would it be if it were really awesome, and I could all non-chalantly recommend that my friends and co-workers try this incredible thing called skyr?  That’s the foodie wannabe in me coming out.  But as I popped the top on the container, the “fragrance” escaped.  The dog, usually fascinated by anything on the kitchen counter, got a whiff of the stuff that led to an explosive canine sneeze, and then she quickly lost interest and retreated to her chair.  I think regular yogurt smells bad, too, so I wasn’t totally deterred; thinking the flavor of skyr may still be okay.  I took a small spoonful, and that’s when the excrement hit the oscillator (I can’t take credit for that – a colleague said it in a meeting the other day, and I’ve been looking for an opportunity to use it in my writing since).  This stuff had the consistency of tofu and a flavor that made the Greek yogurt I’d tried taste like Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.  My eyes began to water, my cheeks turned inside out, and I raced to the trash can,wondering if there were any mouthwash, chewing gum, or straight-up vodka close by.  My visions of making a foodie discovery worthy of being shared were dashed, and it took a full 39 minutes on the treadmill and watching the whole State of the Union address before the taste finally left my mouth.  Then I had a different dessert – a light ice cream sandwich.  Serves me right – foodie wannabe.

  1. January 28, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    So glad to find your blog! You are hilarious! But, in all seriousness, I look forward to following your journey.

    Have you tried Fage yogurt with honey?? It might change your mind 🙂

    • Chad
      January 28, 2010 at 10:58 AM

      Thanks, Angie! Glad you’re here. I haven’t tried Fage with honey, yet – once I get over the trauma of the skyr, maybe I’ll give it a shot. Thanks for the tip!

  2. January 28, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    omg…yogurt is evil. I hate all flavors and kinds. I gagged the few times I’ve tried it…so I stick to FF/SF pudding lol. Oddly enough, the frozen yogurt that looks and tastes like ice cream…yum!

  3. January 28, 2010 at 9:05 PM

    Heh! Mental note to self to avoid that stuff!

  4. January 30, 2010 at 6:16 AM

    I’m not a big yogurt fan myself; I recently bought some ‘mass-market’ yogurt again the other day and I had only half of it before I had to throw it away. They have way too much fake crap in them to really appreciate. I think I’m done with yogurt. :p

    Ice cream sounds good though; thanks for that thought. 🙂

  1. May 10, 2010 at 11:44 PM
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