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My Dismal Week of Exercise

February 26, 2010

If I had worked out today, I wouldn’t have gotten to see a guy almost get tazed.  But it wasn’t just today I didn’t work out.  I haven’t worked out this week.  At all.  No cardio, no strength training, no moseying around the block with the dog in workout clothes to look like I’m exercising (that would be me in the workout clothes, with the dog, who much to her chilly chagrin remains naked save for her collar).  Nada.  Zip. Zilch.  I’ve been a lazy bum on the workout front…and I’ve lost four pounds so far this week.

The week was destined to start out with a bang.  Last Saturday I went back to my trainer, and she set me up with a great new routine.  I ached, could hardly move, and shook for two days after.  It was awesome!  To my own disbelief, I’ve gotten to where I love that feeling.  Then came Sunday, and I went to a writing workshop that lasted most of the day, and afterward I talked myself into the idea that the whole “day of rest” thing surely includes exercise (ignoring the fact that Adam still had to eat on Sundays in Eden and likely had to go chase down his dinner…cardio!).  Then Monday rolled around, when I co-teach a class until six in the evening, and thus it comprises my one weekly day off from exercise anyway.  Then Tuesday, an alumni event at my college after work, and Wednesday, another alumni event at my college after work, and today, when I had my first evening of the week without something to do, and I just wanted to relax and do my own thing.  So I went to the bookstore and cozied up with a cup of coffee and a book, instead of getting my fat butt to the gym to run on the treadmill.

Which brings me back to the near tazing, which in all honesty, makes me only semi-regret visiting the bookstore in lieu of the gym this evening.  I was sippin’ my latte and looking all erudite with my glasses on as I perused an edited volume of dynamite essays.  Then all of a sudden, before I could lift a finger to my chin to nod smartly so that the cutie on the next aisle could see how cultured my butt was, I heard a dude running – no, sprinting – toward the front door of the store.  I guess the crack bookstore security staff thought he might be shoplifting – cause they tackled him to the floor quicker than my formerly fat lips could latch onto a french fry.  And a tazer was mentioned…  I think…  At least that’s what some other guy said who was brave enough to go check the situation out and come report back to the rest of us huddled behind the biography section to stay out of the line of fire should one erupt.  Day-umn.  That’s more entertainment than my la-ti-friggin’-da gym would have provided even if Mr. Ok Go had been there again.  But I digress…

It’s been a busy week, and I don’t offer it as an excuse for my sloth-like laziness, but rather to point out to myself that I broke rule one of my exercise routine: plan ahead.  I didn’t sit down with my calendar like a good little exerciser this week and plan out my routine in advance, even after being reminded by the trainer last Saturday to do this.  I just kept thinking, “Oh, I’ve got five days left,”  “four days left,” “three days left…”  Um…yeah…  Until it’s Thursday and there’s no way absent time travel to get in my four days of cardio and two days of strength training this week.

And what makes it worse is that I’m losing weight – a lot of weight!  I wish, to all things good and decent, that my weight and my exercise were more directly correlated on a daily basis.  If my nutrition goes out of whack, I see it on the scales within 48 hours.  That instant feedback keeps me on the straight and narrow when it comes to food.  But as I mentioned at the beginning, I’ve lost friggin’ FOUR POUNDS since last Saturday WITHOUT exercise!  Now I know that exercise will keep me healthier and keep the weight loss more consistent over time, and I’ll probably end up gaining or not losing as I get my tail back on the wagon in the next few days.  But if the connection between exercise and weight were just a little more immediate, it sure would keep my work out procrastination in check.

So tonight I’m sitting down with my calendar and planning out my exercise for the rest of this week (both days!) and next.  And if I don’t exercise tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday, I’m going back to the bookstore I was at tonight and asking the security guy to taze me – just for being  lazy.

  1. February 26, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    Maybe we need to give your trainer a tazer!

    • February 26, 2010 at 12:38 PM

      She totally busted me via email this morning, so she may already be in the market for one…

      I am DEFINITELY doing both cardio and strength training today, though!

  2. February 26, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    I recently experienced something similar when I was walking in to a Wal-Mart and a security guy tackled a shoplifter in the parking lot. I mean he took him down, face to the concrete. I was shaking for 5 minutes. I don’t know why, since I wasn’t the shoplifter, but it was still disconcerting. Now get off your ass and go work out!!!!

    • February 26, 2010 at 1:46 PM

      It is disconcerting. I had no idea these store security forces were so advanced. One minute you’re browsing the books, the next minute some benign looking security guard goes all delta force on a thief 10 feet away from you! I didn’t shake, but I did meander (quickly) away from the incident and find a group of unsettled shoppers like me wondering what the heck had happened!

      Oh, and thanks for the motivation on exercise. It’s on my afternoon/early evening agenda!

  3. February 26, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    Interesting you mentioned tazer. I just wrote a piece today about using a lazer gun on belly fat. Just a joke, but sometimes the appearance gets old.

  4. Jay
    February 27, 2010 at 12:16 AM

    Lol, well I forgive you because I love your writing so much. 🙂

    Seriously you’re a great writer and every post I read is just as good as the last.

    Maybe make a goal for yourself to go 4-days a week. And anytime you have in that week go!! If you make plans.. things change.. you’re screwed if you have something set in stone. Just go when you have free time.

    I find earlier in the day I have more time then later in the day.. so I usually go an hour or two after waking up lately.


    • February 27, 2010 at 12:23 AM

      Hey thanks, Jay. Now if only I could bring myself to enjoy exercise as much as writing…

  5. February 28, 2010 at 12:19 AM

    Four pounds is fantastic! I’d shoot for two, given to potential to lose muscle with much more they say, but loss is loss! It’s such an unpredictable beast for me, despite any level of discipline. Thankfully after a few weeks plateau there was usually a sharp drop, so progress was somehow made. As far as the gym, my world completely revolves around gyms visits, and I am operating in fear of what you describe, not making it to the gym at all in a week. When I’m not at the gym, I’m focussed on prepping protein shakes or washing gym clothes. Well, I also have a job, but I think about the gym on my breaks. 🙂 I am totally obsessed and maybe not well balanced yet. Wondering what that will look like, someday. 🙂

  1. February 27, 2010 at 1:24 PM
  2. March 4, 2010 at 11:30 PM
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