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Staying Positive

June 7, 2011

I’m laying here on the couch, blogging from my iPhone, having just finished watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. I see this 23 year old guy who lives in the next suburb over from where I grew up, who lost over 200 pounds in a year. He was such a nice guy, and I was so incredibly happy for him and proud of him.

But I also felt a little envy and self-doubt creeping in. Any form of jealousy comes from a place of insecurity, and I guess I felt a little jealous of his accomplishments because I’m still unsure whether I’ll ever accomplish what I truly want to accomplish with my weight and fitness. This guy had lost his mom to cancer when he was just 18; I’m blessed to still have a wonderfully supportive and loving mother. He had much more weight to lose than I did (and still do). Yet he seemed to tap into something I haven’t had for a while. My trainer calls it the secret sauce.

I had found the secret sauce just after I started this blog and began my transformation, and I remember what it felt like. I knew I had to lose weight to save my life. I started to see consistent results with mainly diet alone. I got myself out of immediate danger. But as I started to slim down and gain confidence, I got complacent. I began using food to comfort myself again, thinking I’d reached a stable weight I was happy with, but my weight crept up a bit.

This morning, I was about four pounds lighter than last week. I was ecstatic. I ate fairly healthily today. Good portion control, mainly clean and nutritious food. And then tonight I came home from an 11.5 hour workday, and I did well, but I allowed myself to eat a few cookies that I shouldn’t even have bought, an I got mad at myself. I threw the rest of them away, and I realized I was using those cookies as nothing more than a drug. I know I have a tendency to emotionally eat, but it’s still a little discombobulating when you realize what you’re doing while you’re doing it.

It was clear I was feeling stressed with the long hours at work, with the anxiety I have about possibly failing at this whole marathon thing, and with some uncertainty I have in a couple of newer personal relationships, too. So how do I conquer these stressors and get that secret sauce back?

Accountability seems to be the biggest thing for me right now – hence the return to blogging. And also getting more rest. I know that sounds simple, but it’s hard for me to stay positive and confident when I’m exhausted. My new job has long hours, and I’m a night owl, so I’ve been operating on far too few hours of sleep each night. Which is why I’m off to bed early now. (Anything before midnight is early for me.)

How do you find your secret sauce?

  1. June 7, 2011 at 1:46 AM

    Seeing a difference happen after any effort is a great encouragement to keep going. It is tough with a tight schedule, but it could be worse. I think there a multiple factors helping me. I feel really good when I’m at the gym kicking my ass. It’s never easy to get going, but I’ve never regretted it when I’m done. Progress is slow but inevitable with a regular beating at the gym 😉

  2. June 7, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    The accountability definitely helps, but it’s still a struggle. Doing Weight Watchers now is helping a bit too, and I think once I start going back to meetings that will definitely help things out. Good luck finding the sauce!

  3. June 7, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    I like the secret sauce. For me, it’s finding something to keep me accountable every day. I’m trying something new at the moment to keep me motivated, and I hope it’ll continue to work!

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