Home > Exercise, General > True Colors: Overcoming Body Image and Non-Scale Victories!

True Colors: Overcoming Body Image and Non-Scale Victories!

October 27, 2012

Writing this morning from my brand new, super speedy laptop!  Just call me flash.  Wait…I’m not sure I like the various connotations that could have…  Oh well, nevermind.  But it is so nice to be able to log in and write a blog entry without waiting 25 minutes for the computer to boot up…I probably should have replaced my seven year old dinosaur computer years ago.  The old one was so bad that I updated my blog from my iPhone the last two weeks, so those posts were short and to the point to say the least.  So let’s catch up a little bit.

First, yesterday was my weekly weigh in, and after a week of stasis, the loss is picking up again!  230.8 pounds this week!!!  That’s a 2.0 pound lost from a week ago, 27.8 pounds down from where I started this time around in July, and about 84 pounds from my estimated highest weight of 315 sometime in 2007-08.  I will say, loss has gotten a little more difficult lately.  My nutrition is still good, but I’m getting down to that point where exercise is becoming more and more important.  That’s been tricky with the sun going down earlier, and my being an evening exerciser.  I may end up having to join a gym soon, and that’s something that doesn’t really appeal to me, but I do want to keep up with my weight loss, so I’ll do what I have to when it gets to that.  My next goal is to reach 215 pounds, hopefully by New Year’s, which will mark 100 pounds lost.  It will be hard work, but I’m confident I can reach that goal.

So on various weight loss blogs and such, you’ll often hear the term “Non-Scale Victory” or NSV.  I think NSV’s represent the stuff of living, not just the numerical progress you’re making, but realizing the reasons why you’re working so hard to transform your life.  This past week, I’ve had a couple of significant NSV’s.  The most simple one was this morning.  I was getting ready to take the dog outside, and I went into my closet to put on a shirt.  I noticed a purple v-neck t-shirt hanging there that I wore to my very first Atlanta Pride celebration a couple of years ago.  It fit a couple of years ago for all of a month or so when I was hovering in the upper 230’s/lower 240’s, but it hasn’t really fit since as I gained some of the original weight I had lost back.  Realizing that I was now well below my prior lowest weight, I decided to put that shirt on, and as you would expect just based on the numbers, it fit even better than it did two years ago.  But there was something else, too.  As I looked into the mirror, I didn’t look fat.

That may seem like a simple statement, but when you’ve struggled your entire adult life with body image issues, you tend to view yourself as fat even once you’ve lost weight.  Doing the work of loving yourself and your body is a slow process to transform your self image from one of a morbidly obese person to one of an average person.  This morning, for the first time, I looked in the mirror and I saw an average person, not a fat guy.  THAT is progress.  Could this average person stand to lose a few pounds?  Sure…  I’m not getting complacent.  But the fact I’m starting to feel like my body is average and not grossly out of proportion is really a big deal.  So that was NSV #1, and it’s pretty amazing.

The other NSV I’ve had this week is more subtle, but still in that same vein of beginning to really love myself and accept myself as an average size person.  On Monday, I learned that there would be a presale on Tuesday for tickets to an incredible benefit concert on Broadway in December for Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund.  I thought the tickets would be ridiculously expensive, but when I found out there were some tickets available for $38, I was beside myself!  I had to go to NYC for this concert!!!

When I was coming out, I would often listen to True Colorslast thing at night and get quite choked up.  I still can’t hear the song

Cyndi Lauper & Friends Home for the Holidays

without having a pretty emotional response.  On top of that, I just love Cyndi Lauper.  She’s a true talent and artist, and has remained relevant well into her 50’s, unlike another notable female pop star from New York in the early 80’s…  Combine all that with the amazing heart she has for the LGBT community, and I’ve wanted to see her in concert for years.  This holiday concert in New York (see the ad to the right) features not only Cyndi, but Sarah McLachlan, Roberta Flack, Adam Lambert, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O’Donnell,Carson Kressly, Andy Cohen, and others!  I’m still kind of in shock that I’m actually going to be there!!!!  Combine Cyndi with Christmas and NYC, and this is really a triumvirate of things I love!  I totally couldn’t even sleep the night before the tickets went on presale – I was like a kid on Christmas Eve!!!

So how is this a NSV?  Well first, when I was morbidly obese, I just didn’t live my life as fully.  I probably would have let this opportunity pass me by.  Some of it has to do with confidence I think – just not feeling that you deserve or are worthy of doing nice things for yourself or living your dreams.  Part of it also has to do with energy levels I think – you’re just not as interested because you don’t really have the energy for it.  But this time, I jumped at the opportunity and seized a moment to live a dream!  And I can’t wait.  The other part of this that brought it home as an NSV for me is that I was looking at reviews of the theatre online a day or so ago, and I saw a review mentioning how the seats were narrow and might not be comfortable for very overweight people.  I didn’t think anything about it.  It was hours later when I thought to myself, “wow – a few years ago if you had read that review, you would’ve immediately gotten anxious about going to that show, and been anxious until it was over.”  This time, it didn’t even register with me, because my body image has changed.  I no longer see myself as a person to whom that statement would apply.

So I guess I’m becoming even more comfortable with myself in different ways than I ever thought.  I really am Reconstructing 30 (or almost 33 now!), and building a different life for myself.  My true colors really are shining through.  🙂

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