Posts Tagged ‘gay’

Ending the Year by Closing a Chapter

December 31, 2012 Comments off
My "too big" wardrobe - ready for donation to a charity helping Atlanta's LGBT youth.

My “too big” wardrobe – ready for donation to a charity helping Atlanta’s LGBT youth.

Today was the greatest day yet of this weight loss journey.  To begin, I weighed this morning, as I do everyday, and I was at my lowest weight yet of my adult life: 221.8 pounds.  A 93+ pound loss from my highest weight of about 315!!!  It’s not an “official” Friday weigh-in for me, but I’ll take it.  So I decided that as I finish up my holiday vacation from work, I’d use part of the day to do something I’ve known for a while now that I should do – clean out my closet and dresser.

I knew I needed to do this for a couple of reasons.  First, I needed to get the clothes that I wore t my higher weights out of my house.  As long as they’re available to me, there is a safety net of sorts in my mind.  The idea that if I were to balloon back up to a higher weight, at least it wouldn’t require great expense, as I’d have a built-in wardrobe to fall back on.  This…is incredibly flawed thinking.  Getting rid of that safety net of “fat clothes” is an acknowledgement and proclamation to yourself that you HAVE changed your life, and that change is here to stay.  NO TURNING BACK!

The other reason I needed to do this is that I had a ton of perfectly good, and actually really nice, clothes that were going unused.  There are plenty of people out there who are on hard times for one reason or another that could be putting these clothes to use as opposed to having them hang in my closet as an unhealthy mental block to my total reconstruction.  As I began trying everything on and sorting everything in piles of what to donate and what to keep, I was overtaken with a completely irrational fear.  What if I were to lose my job/get sick/otherwise fall on hard times and end up homeless?  I might need these clothes, if for no other reason than to use as blankets to keep myself alive when I would undoubtedly be living in a cardboard box under the interstate with all my belongings in a hijacked shopping cart!

Again…flawed thinking.  I mean, Read more…


Observations from the Coffee Shop

September 3, 2012 1 comment

This past week was interesting. I felt like I was a bit off balance – thinking I was getting a cold that turned out to be my fall allergies kicking in a little earlier than I expected, a couple of meals that weren’t really the healthiest choices I could have made, and a crazy day or two at work. I was really anticipating a not so hot week on the scales. But Friday morning rolled around, and I was shocked to weigh in at 242.9 pounds! That was a 2.7 pound loss from the prior Friday, a 15.7 pound loss from when I restarted my journey in July, and a 72 pound loss from my estimated highest weight of 315 in 2009!

Looking back, I think a couple of things worked in my favor. First, I cooked at home a good bit last week. I made a conscious effort to buy fresh vegetables, so that the idea of eating dinner at home would be appealing (not just microwaved frozen veggies). Also, I’m pretty good at using simple cooking techniques to make tasty, yet healthy, meals. A little knowledge of cookery really does go a long way, and I think it’s pretty useful if you’re trying to eat healthily that you have the tools you need to make things easy on yourself. So I actually think I was trying to compensate for the few higher calorie meals, and I wasn’t even thinking about it. This makes me really happy – I feel like it shows an internalization of healthier habits, and I’m hoping it continues.

So with that out of the way, I’m enjoying the hell out of a day off work today, and I’m set up here at my favorite coffee shop in the whole world typing away. And I can’t help but make a few unrelated and random observations of things that are on my mind.

1) To the hipster high school and college-aged young women out there: this high-waisted, daisy duke-ish, denim short trend that goes above your belly button by six inches but barely covers your bidness needs to end. For the love of

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I've been high – I've been low – I've been yes, and I've been oh, hell no!

June 5, 2011 3 comments

Alright friends…it’s on! This running beast is back. No more highs, lows, yeses and nos – just flat out good nutrition and training to conquer this marathon! This afternoon I took my first long run in a long time. Forty-five minutes through my neighborhood. I waited until the heat of the Atlanta summer had broken – and I didn’t go out until about 7:30, but it was still hot. Music gets me through running better than anything else, and today was a mix of The Killers, Rihanna, and Train’s cover of “Save Me San Francisco,” that I strangely connected with on my up and down journey of weight and fitness. Love the video, too!

Ahh…such a fun video! Meanwhile, back in Atlanta, I was planning on a relatively easy jog/walk, but I ended up challenging myself with a few sprints, too. The first was self-imposed. The second and third came for other reasons. With the second, I had planned to stop one run at a telephone pole, but I came up on a woman running with her dog, and I wanted to look all bad-ass, so Read more…

Marine Corps Marathon: 148 Days and Counting

June 4, 2011 3 comments

One-hundred and forty-eight days.  That’s all that stands between me and running my first marathon, the Marine Corps Marathon, in Washington, D.C.  on October 30th, 2011 (my thirty-second birthday!).  It’s hard to believe that a) it’s been nearly two years since I started this journey of reconstructing my life when I turned thirty, b) I would even entertain the idea of doing something as unlike my former self as training for a marathon, and c) that I’ve fallen off the wagon bigger than any of my past minor slip-ups and am going to have to conquer some of my same, no good, stubborn bad habits in the process of getting ready…

I can, and will, talk in what will be I’m sure excruciatingly painful detail about my marathon training as the days go by, but for now, let’s start with c), above: my falling off the wagon.  The last time I wrote here, I was promising a comeback to blogging…my weight loss was as great as it had ever been, and I was loving life.  I had hit some hard times with a layoff from work, but so much was going well that I was really feeling good about myself and where I was going.  One thing I didn’t talk about last time, because I just didn’t have the confidence to do it yet, was to share in this forum that part of my reconstruction, was in finally accepting the fact that I’m gay.  For me, my weight and my sexuality had been inextricably intertwined for many years.  On some subconscious, and probably even conscious level, being fat was convenient for a closeted guy.  No one questions why you don’t have a girlfriend when you weigh over 300 pounds.

From the time I began losing weight, I knew I would have to face myself and my truth to live an authentic life.  I was shedding the armor that I thought was protecting me from the pain that awaited me should I decide to live honestly and openly.  So I hid behind an apron of adipose tissue.  As the weight came off, the confidence grew, and I knew I didn’t have to hide anymore.  I came out first to my friends, then to my parents, and then to the rest of my family.  It was truly the most exhilarating and exciting time of my life.  I felt as if I had never been so alive, and I’d never been more proud of myself!  It was (and continues to be) amazing.

However, Read more…