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Posts Tagged ‘irrational’

Ending the Year by Closing a Chapter

December 31, 2012 Comments off
My "too big" wardrobe - ready for donation to a charity helping Atlanta's LGBT youth.

My “too big” wardrobe – ready for donation to a charity helping Atlanta’s LGBT youth.

Today was the greatest day yet of this weight loss journey.  To begin, I weighed this morning, as I do everyday, and I was at my lowest weight yet of my adult life: 221.8 pounds.  A 93+ pound loss from my highest weight of about 315!!!  It’s not an “official” Friday weigh-in for me, but I’ll take it.  So I decided that as I finish up my holiday vacation from work, I’d use part of the day to do something I’ve known for a while now that I should do – clean out my closet and dresser.

I knew I needed to do this for a couple of reasons.  First, I needed to get the clothes that I wore t my higher weights out of my house.  As long as they’re available to me, there is a safety net of sorts in my mind.  The idea that if I were to balloon back up to a higher weight, at least it wouldn’t require great expense, as I’d have a built-in wardrobe to fall back on.  This…is incredibly flawed thinking.  Getting rid of that safety net of “fat clothes” is an acknowledgement and proclamation to yourself that you HAVE changed your life, and that change is here to stay.  NO TURNING BACK!

The other reason I needed to do this is that I had a ton of perfectly good, and actually really nice, clothes that were going unused.  There are plenty of people out there who are on hard times for one reason or another that could be putting these clothes to use as opposed to having them hang in my closet as an unhealthy mental block to my total reconstruction.  As I began trying everything on and sorting everything in piles of what to donate and what to keep, I was overtaken with a completely irrational fear.  What if I were to lose my job/get sick/otherwise fall on hard times and end up homeless?  I might need these clothes, if for no other reason than to use as blankets to keep myself alive when I would undoubtedly be living in a cardboard box under the interstate with all my belongings in a hijacked shopping cart!

Again…flawed thinking.  I mean, Read more…

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